For example, I may identify the Guide as a
Christian angel, a Celtic goddess, a power animal, etc. This preliminary
structure entails coming to terms with the outer expression employed to define
the inner world. Here I need to be aware that the key factor is the direct
experience. The outer expression is a translation attempt. It is meaningful as
long as I am in the outer.
Once I am in the inner, the access is direct and I
open up to another definition, which will eventually require a shift in
perception. The outer level is a circular bypass that may in due course allow
me to find the access to a specific route of initiation. Until I find this
route, I can continue to drive along the bypass and ideally, in order to gain
awareness of all the main existing routes, I may need to take one or more
complete tours of the bypass itself.
Once I
select an exit, I gradually come across a distinct landscape along the route. I
may refer to additional models. Yet I still draw from external sources. I
continue to employ a charted route. I am not paving my own way. This is because
I still feel hesitant and need to learn. As I progress, my true experience may
appear different from the model. Step by step, I will trust my connection and
release the previous cultural background. I will get a fresh definition of the
Spirit Guide, which I can hardly describe from any established cultural
perspective.
A way I can use to describe the Guide is as a space where I truly feel totally at peace and in a state of unity. As long as I
am conditioned by a model, this space won’t be totally there.
For many years I
would refuse this peaceful space. I did not consider it to be my Guide. I thought it was
a form of escapism. I had models about what a Guide should be. Yet these
paradigms did not correspond to my authentic experience of peace and unity.
Since I did not trust my experience and considered it wrong, trying to connect
with the Guide according to established frameworks was rather frustrating.
It took me a lot of effort and awareness to
acknowledge my true experiential connection with the Guide. After years of
practice I was so exasperated by the repeated failures.
I then decided to take
a resolute action. I chose to withdraw in an isolated location without moving
from there until I had received a vision. I was determined to face all sorts of
ordeals. For example, I had glimpses of Christ spending 40 days in the desert.
I felt excited for I was ready to cope with any challenge. I went to a small house by the
seaside. It was the middle of winter and the whole area was very cold and
deserted. I prepared myself for a vision quest. There was only me and a madman.
He would shout and speak on his own, sometimes in the middle of the night. One
day he told me: “What are you doing here? Don’t you know that you can get mad?”
After some days of preparation I made it very clear that I would not move from
that place until I had received an answer. I wanted to know the truth, no
matter what it was. I explained that I was not expecting an accommodating
truth.
I was also ready to put up with a gloomy truth.
I wanted only the plain truth. Upon saying it, I heard a subtle voice
whispering: “Do you really want to know the truth?”
I felt challenged and
replied “Yes, no matter what it is!”
I then started a shamanic journey and the
answer came in 30 seconds. I was given the truth in 30 seconds. This was a bit
disappointing for I had planned to endure harsh conditions and fast for weeks
and weeks.
In those 30 seconds, I met what vaguely seemed to be my Spirit
Guide. It was a spirit animal. Actually, it was an animal because according to
my system of reference it had to be an animal. I realised that the Guide was a
bit restricted in this animal shape and was wearing it only to comply with my
model.
This Guide took me to a place I had always been
since I was a child. When the Guide arrived there, he took another shape.
This was very familiar in my early years, though it did not seem to relate to
any belief system regarding Guides.
As a child I used to spend hours in a
fantasy land, as I perceived it then. It was my room, which I would see as a huge
metropolis, the capital of a vast country. I was the Emperor of that realm. The
books on the shelves were buildings, the table an enormous square, the carpet a
multi-coloured park…
I felt very happy in that dimension. It was my favourite
game. I would write maps about that place. I could decide everything: the names
of the town, the feature of the territory. Whatever I would see in my outer
life I would integrate it in my reality. For example, since soccer was a
popular theme in my childhood environment, I would organise fantasy soccer teams and
championships with various divisions.
I continued to be involved with such fantasies
even in adult age. It was a sort of addiction. In newspapers I would read about
many kinds of addictions, but nobody would talk about my addiction.
On that day
at the seaside I had given my word that I would accept any truth no matter
what. I had promised it. What came to me was the last thing I could accept: to
be the Emperor of my realm.
It was so powerful that I began to laugh. I realised
that what I had always looked for had always been with me. This made a lot of
sense. It sounded real and spontaneous and logic. I felt a lot of love and
tears.
I then began to change my attitude about Guides, yet carefully.
As I began to go deeper in my vision I realised that
it was connected with other visions. I began to meet people who were related
with it. At first I thought it was just my vision. Then I found out that it was
a deeper vision that many people shared, yet it involved facing first some time
in solitude and getting rid of some conditioning.
What followed allowed me to
develop this work…
(Excerpts from a workshop)
© Franco Santoro, info@astroshamanism.org
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